X-MEN
ETERNITY Issue Guide & Highlights
by R. JOHN BURKE
UNCANNY
X-MEN #1: The Shattering
"Well...
there was this witch..."
-
SCOTT SUMMERS (repeatedly), attempting to explain the House of
M
"Sodding
reality-hopping little trollop... Whatever happened to going straight
for the global domination? Nooooo, *she* had to try to reshape the
Universe into hearts and flowers and cheerful little Disney
animals..."
-
EMMA FROST, of the
Scarlet Witch
"Some
things, Bobby, are better to want than to have."
"Yeah.
I would have put the hot blonde who wasn't my wife in that category."
--
SCOTT and BOBBY DRAKE, discussing marital infidelity
"You
can call me Blink, by the way. That's my codename."
"Oh,
that shows imagination."
"Spoken
by a girl who just combined her names for her handle."
"Well,
at least I'm not named after my sound effect."
--
JUBILEE (Jubilation Lee) and BLINK, beginning a beautiful
friendship.
"Tell
the truth... you really Summers' babe now? That one-eyed eunuch
really turn you on? I think you deserve a real man."
"And
I think you deserve a neutering. The night is young."
-
SABRETOOTH & EMMA, demonstrating why you don't cross the White
Queen.
NEW
X-MEN #1: Invictus
"Erm,
you see, gentlemen, I have the ability to temporarily transform into
a block of... invulnerable... Styrofoam..."
-
THE BEAST (Henry McCoy), failing at improvisation.
"You
have -no- idea what a burden it is to be so infinitely superior to
everyone else."
"Are you joking? I
can't tell."
"That's the fun part. Neither can
I."
--
MONET ST. CROIX (whose ego reaches legendary proportions) and THE
BEAST
"Why
do we never visit realities where things turned out -well?-"
"At
a guess? There are none."
-
STORM and FORGE, discussing SFF time theory.
"I've
always wondered-- what are the foot-claws for? I mean, what possible
good are they?"
"What, you
never got the urge to kill a guy with your feet?"
"Done
that. But if you need more than just the big toe, you're an
amateur."
-
BISHOP and X-23 (Wolverine's female clone-- seriously), discussing
the dopiest super-power on record.
"I
cannot explain this in less than two hours. I might need a flow
chart."
-
RACHEL GREY, attempting to explain the utterly screwed-up
Summers/Grey family history
X-FORCE
#1: In This Solemn Hour
"Hey,
bub... wanna party? (SNIKT!)"
--
WOLVERINE's first line
"Omigosh,
was that Captain Britain? -Wow-... this new guy's
-dreamy-..."
"*Ahem*."
"Did
I say that out loud?"
"'Dreamy,'
Katya?"
"Yeah, um... it's
an old American slang word meaning... not -nearly- as cute as my
boyfriend."
-
KITTY PRYDE & COLOSSUS, working on their relationship
KITTY:
"What's for dinner?"
TJ:
"Bubble and squeak."
PIOTR:
"I'm sorry?"
TJ: "It's
a British thing. Basically leftovers."
KITTY:
"If we're still here after the War, I am so opening a Pizza
Hut."
KURT: "Ha! How did
you ever survive when we were here (in the present day)?"
KITTY:
"They -had- Pizza Hut by then."
-
GROUP BANTER regarding merry old England
"Oh,
I'm sorry. I still have not been properly introduced. My name... is
Erik Magnus Lehnsherr. And you will take me to your commandant
before you die."
--
MAGNETO, concentration camp survivor, explaining to some Nazis why
they're, well, screwed.
"You
will do anything to get home. You will even work for me."
"You
mean, for America."
"That's
right."
"But I ain't
American."
"Well,
nobody's perfect."
--
TALBOT, our resident secret-agent enigma, meets WOLVERINE.
X-FACTOR
#1: BETTER ANGELS OF OUR NATURE
"We
from de future of an alternate dimension. We come here thanks to a
one-of-a-kind psychic phenomena dat scattered us X-Men... mutants
born to protect de society dat hates an' fears us-- 'cross de
Multiverse."
"You
just used eighteen words I don't understand."
"S'okay,
mon ami. I don' understand fifteen o' dem myself."
-
GAMBIT, explaining the plot to Confederate CAPTAIN EVERETT.
"This
is an X-Man thing. I know
it's an X-Man thing, 'cause nothing that happens to me when I'm
around them makes sense. This doesn't make sense, so it's an X-Man
thing. I so very much hate them."
- DR. CECILIA REYES,
being a reluctant hero.
"I know multisyllabic words
and everything. Would you like me to tell you where the geniculate
ganglion is?"
- REYES, who is black, trying to convince a
bunch of Confederates that she is a physician.
"Tell
you dis, mon ami, 'cause I can. Even if you believe me, won't nobody
b'lieve -you- if you talk fo' a million years."
- GAMBIT,
explaining his unusual honesty about the future.
"Hate
bugs hate bugs hate hate FREAKING HATE BUGS!"
- REYES,
speaking for me as well.
EXCALIBUR
#1: WHITE HOT
"Is
this the part where I join ye or die?"
"No.
This is only where you die."
"Wouldna
ha' joined ye anyway, ye wretched sot. If ye had yer manners, though,
you'd ha' -offered-..."
- RAHNE
SINCLAIR (WOLFSBANE) & MERLIN, channeling James Bond
"The
last thing (Scott) needs right now is a distraction. I'm legally
dead... For all we know, when this is over, I'll go back to being
dead. Why complicate things?"
"Plus,
he's bangin' Emma Frost."
"Thank
you -very- much for the reminder."
- JEAN GREY and
CAIN MARKO, discussing the subtle nuance of
relationships.
“Pittsburgh. Terrible officiating.”
-
MERLIN, challenged to prove his prescience by naming the winner of
Super Bowl XL.
"I might be even more inept than
Scott. I left my fiancée at the altar for a woman I fell in
love with while comatose. And I slept with your clone."
-
ALEX SUMMERS to Jean, incriminating himself
"Do
you remember that time I went a little crazy?"
"The
time at the wedding, or the time when you were possessed? Or the time
on Muir Island? Or..."
"Point
made. Pick a time."
-LORNA
DANE and ALEX, further illustrating why X-Men should never date.
"Do
you know, Cain, I once had a duplicate spend a month studying ways to
kill you, specifically? He came up with forty-seven."
-
JAMIE MADROX, proving he has too much time on his hands.
"Emma,
darling... sweetheart... just between the two of us: I'm back."
-
JEAN GREY, gleefully taunting her ex-husband's skanky mistress
UNCANNY
X-MEN #2: Brotherhood's Keeper
“Didn't
you ever see 'Lord of the Rings?' The elf-chick look is totally
hot!"
"Lord of the...
that's a book, right?"
"Yeah,
but don't let that stop you. I only went to the movie-- six times--
for...waitaminute, you've NEVER SEEN ORLANDO?"
-
JUBILEE and BLINK
"When Blink came to us, she was
capable of fighting Sabretooth to a standstill. Now that Jubilee's
had a chance to corrupt her with pop culture, junk food, and elfboys,
I fully expect her to be a drooling example of the American Idol
demographic by nightfall."
- EMMA FROST, commenting on the
above
"You've become very chatty, dear, since your
brain got as large as the Universe. You should know, it's not
attractive."
- EMMA, being a good mentor
“I'm
not gonna do anything dumb."
"That
would be more reassuring if you hadn't dumped orange juice down the
toaster this morning."
- JUBILEE and SCOTT
SUMMERS
"We're standing in front of some of the
world's most famous department stores, and you seriously said the
word -museum-? I never believed you were from another dimension until
this moment."
- JUBILEE to Blink
"Truly,
thou art the Goddess of Paf."
- BLINK to Jubilee.
(“Paff!” is Jubes' sound effect, like Wolverine's
“Snikt!”)
“Cute
welcoming committee. In Cleveland they just threw rocks at me. I had
my revenge, though. My bruises will heal in a week, but they'll still
live in Cleveland."
"Um...
hello? My name is..."
"Mary?
You look like a Mary! Not Mary? Mary Lou? Lou Grant? Ulysses S.
Grant? Wonderful novel, 'Ulysses.' Shame it's unintelligible."
-
THOMAS HAWKINS (“HAWK”), introducing himself to
BLINK.
“My general rule of combat is, if the enemy
makes you scream, it went poorly."
- JEAN-PAUL BEAUBIER
(NORTHSTAR)
"Did you just make
me feel better by calling me incompetent?"
"Yes."
"Wow.
I am -so- screwed up. But thanks."
- ICEMAN and
NORTHSTAR
NEW
X-MEN #2: TEMPTING THE STORM
"I
do not understand-- what is this animosity between us?"
"I
think it started when you ripped out one of my hearts."
"Oh...
I did that in this timeline..."
“You've
had occasion to do it in others?”
"Only from
necessity."
"Here, you mostly did
it for kicks."
"Ah. Well... I can understand how
that would be upsetting."
- STORM and MARROW
“We
do not -follow- the homicidal whims that cross our mind. We only
-think- about them."
"Sounds dull."
-
BISHOP and X-23
"Why can't you just give us gray hair
by listening to the Backstreet Boys 24/7 like a normal kid?"
-
BISHOP to X-23
X-FORCE
#2: THE LION'S HEART
"Next
time, can we put the Russian front someplace sensible, like
Brazil?"
- ALISON BLAIRE (DAZZLER)
“I am
the sort of monster created by the world. I am what becomes of a man
who knows too well how things should be in the midst of what is. I am
the necessary kind of monster, for all change comes through the likes
of me.”
- MAGNETO
“Americans
and Britishers leave the safety of their nest and travel to the
Russian front for the sake of one man? You must be very close to
(Magneto).”
“Yeah. He's
the wind beneath our wings. “
- Soviet operative
OMEGA RED and WOLVERINE
"Have
you ever tried to flatter anybody before? I'm asking 'cause you're
not good at it."
"Funny you
should ask. Tried to flatter a guy in Singapore once. He started
rantin' about how I'd dishonored his ancestors. So I killed him."
-
DAZZLER and WOLVERINE
"I hate (the Nazis). I hate the
Scarlet Witch. I hate the Multiverse. Most of all I hate you, with a
pure and special hatred. No offense."
- DAZZLER, to
Wolverine
“All you second-rate villains should be
required to take a public speaking course before beginning your reign
of terror... Take a lesson from Doctor Doom. That man could sound
evil reciting the phone book.”
- NIGHTCRAWLER, taunting
the Slayer
X-FACTOR
#2: TWIST AND TURN
“All
you have to do... is kill one of your friends for me.”
“You're
out of your mind!”
“Well,
it doesn't have to be a -good- friend...”
- THE
SLAYER, tempting WARREN WORTHINGTON
“Miss
Frost never would have worn anything like this.”
“Well,
sweetie, that's because Miss Frost is what we call a... never mind
what we call her. But if you put together every scrap of cloth she's
ever worn in her -life-, you couldn't make that dress.”
-
SOPHIE CUCKOO and CECILIA REYES, discussing fashion
"And
now look at the mess old Granny Lee's making in western Virginia!
Why, when incompetents like (him and Stonewall) are pitted against
Union military men like McDowell and McClellan, is it any wonder our
brave boys have endured setbacks?”
- RANDOM SOUTHERN GUY,
because I like alternate history
"Don't
tell me you disapprove of tobacco, too, in the future?"
"Tobacco,
red meat, fried foods, desserts, unprotected sex..."
"I
think I shall be glad to be dead. Where do you stand on whiskey?"
"As
long as you don't drive."
- CAPTAIN EVERETT &
CECILIA REYES
“Your genetic
history must be remarkable..."
"I
was born in a humble log cabin with less than a billion dollars to my
name.”
- NATHANIEL ESSEX & WARREN
"What
(Essex is) doing would be looked down upon by any true
gentleman..."
"Well, gee,
as long as you -disapprove-... I notice you still wear that gray
uniform."
"For Virginia. My
home has been invaded. Slavery isn't the..."
"Isn't
it? You claim to love this woman he's holding. You fight for people
who say she's a piece of property!"
"When
we are free, there will be time to settle..."
"Bullshit,
you are not free! Take some responsibility, -hombre-! Your system is
helping Essex do what he does, and if you're not tearing it down,
you've got blood on your hands just like him!"
"Frankly,
Miss Reyes..."
"-Doctor-
Reyes."
"Frankly, Miss
Reyes, right now I don't give a damn about any system. All I care
about is Lenora."
"And that
makes you a hero? You think you're the first white man who ever
decided the grass was greener on the other lawn?"
"It's
not like that! I love her!"
"I
bet you do. You just don't think she-- or I-- could ever be a
doctor."
"What's that got
to do with..."
"If you
don't think she's your equal, you got no love, and you got no right
to her. What you got is an unnatural relationship with a person you
treat like a pet.”
- EVERETT and REYES, getting to
the crux of the issue
“I was
having more fun than I expected. I've never been a belle
before...”
“Fiddle-dee-dee.
Get your butt in gear.”
- SOPHIE and
ROGUE
EXCALIBUR
#2: THE DRAGON & THE ELEPHANT
“Lorna, honey, I
don't mean this in any sort of unfriendly way, but stop making me
want to kill you.”
- JEAN GREY
“I
once had a duplicate playing D&D every night for six months. If
it helps, (the dragon) has a Base Attack Bonus equal to his total hit
dice..."
"Haw! Listen to
the little geek-boy."
"...says
Mr. Chaotic Evil."
- JAMIE MADROX & CAIN MARKO,
trading barbs
JAIMIE MADROX: The
rest of you, get out there and watch the lady's back."
DUPE
#1:"What about Marko's?"
JAMIE:
"Yeah, him too, unfortunately."
DUPE
#2: "Aw... You know you're just lashing out because of your
repressed attraction to him."
JAMIE:
"My WHAT?"
DUPE #3: "And
what about Rahne? You know he's thought about her."
JAMIE:
"I have NOT!"
DUPE #3:
"Fine. Live in denial."
DUPE
#2: "Sad, isn't it?"
JAMIE:
"I seriously need to go on Jerry Springer.”
-
MADROX THE MULTIPLE MAN, in conference with himself.
“Maybe
you missed the part where I'm still in High School. I haven't figured
out car dating, much less the Multiverse.”
-
MINDEE CUCKOO, trying to sound innocent
UNCANNY
X-MEN #3: GIRLS' NIGHT OUT
ESME:
"It's fun, isn't it? The power. We could do so much more, girls,
than carry out this silly plan..."
MINDEE:
"We could take over your brain and make you kiss something
nasty.”
PHOEBE: "Like a
toad.”
CELESTE: "Or a
snake.”
SOPHIE: "Or the
Blob.”
- The STEPFORD CUCKOOS, snarking at each
other whilst they tamper with destiny.
"When the
really bad guys come? It's better to be on their side than in their
way.”
- ESME CUCKOO, lobbying for the Dark Side
“Now
I can never come here again! I may seriously die of
embarrassment.”
“Would
you rather be dead? I had like three-tenths of a second to decide on
a place to teleport.”
“And
you decided to ruin me socially?”
- JUBILEE and
BLINK, hip-deep in a water fountain
"In what way do I
remind you of a man who wants to talk? Tell me how, because I'm
trying my best to give the opposite impression."
- SCOTT
SUMMERS, being cuddly
BLINK (facing
2 identical Jubilees): “The real Jubilee... and -only- the real
Jubilee... knows which Hobbit I like best."
JUBILEE
#2: “What?!”
JUBILEE #1:
"All of them!"
JUBILEE #2:
"Crap.”
BLINK: *punches
Jubes #2 in the nose*
- The Classic Evil Shape-Shifter
Conundrum
"Let me explain something to you,
(Mystique): Don't let the pretty color and the cutesy code name fool
you. I have been places you can't imagine and done things that would
make even -you- soil yourself. I can also focus my teleportation
through these nifty javelins, and let me just say, I am completely
prepared to use them to blink your head to Boston and your torso to
San Francisco. I really don't appreciate people trying to con me."
-
BLINK, being... uncuddly
“Emma...
can I trust you?”
"No, not
entirely, and you like that-- don't pretend you don't. I'm not
-safe-. That's part of the thrill."
- SCOTT and
EMMA, clarifying their relationship.
“Now that I'm a
superhero, can I have a clone? I've always wanted a clone!"
-
HAWK, indirectly mocking Spider-Man
NEW
X-MEN #3: PEACE IN OUR TIME
"My dreams are
nightmares.”
- RACHEL GREY to CABLE. (She actually first
said this to Wolverine in an old comic issue, but it's such a perfect
expression of the character that I quoted it.)
"You
silly, stupid flatscans... I remember every moment. Everything you
did to me, everything you made me do in eight horrible years as your
puppet. And you will pay for -every- moment. Soldiers of Invictus,
may you be the first to hear the news: The strings are cut. The
table's turned. Ladies and gentlemen... Psylocke's back."
-
Alternate PSYLOCKE, with a stunned Bishop in the background realizing
he's let the genie out of the bottle.
“If the Lord
had intended for me to keep a low profile, He clearly wouldn't have
made me so spectacular.”
- MONET
"There
is only one thing of value you can do in life... Fight for those who
can't fight for themselves. Everything else is a waste... God forgive
us... we have wasted this world."
- Last words of Reality
502's MATTHEW MURDOCK, aka DAREDEVIL
X-FORCE
#3: IF HITLER INVADED HELL...
“I
never -want- to kill anyone. With certain people, it just... becomes
necessary.”-
TALBOT, explaining his philosophy.
"Dude.
I once told off the Beyonder. You're a -gnat- by comparison. You're a
buzzy little supervillain gnat... thing."
- KITTY PRYDE,
similarly indignant
"So
you're... what, big shadowy evil guy? Do you want a prize for that?
We've got a hundred of 'em."
“I am
Slayer.”
"Yeah, -that- fills me
with confidence."
- KITTY and the SLAYER, making
friends
OMEGA RED: “The Red
Army takes its orders from Comrade Marshal Timoshenko, not from me--
and certainly not from psychotic little Americans.”
WOLVERINE:
“I'm Canadian. Mix that up again an' I'm gonna get
offended."
DAZZLER: “-I'm-
American! I'm offended you're offended...”
- The
GROUP DIALOG gets political
“I'm
sure they'll feed us soon. Can't have us dying before they've had a
chance to do all manner of horrible things to us."
"You
know, you're supposed to reassure me."
"Wasn't
that? Sorry; this is why I'm not a mother."
- PSYLOCKE
and CELESTE CUCKOO, imprisoned
“I
know what you're thinkin'... just, if you go now, be sure you're
ready to make the sacrifice."
"I
love Katya with all my heart. I would give my life to..."
"How
about your soul?”
- WOLVERINE and COLOSSUS, getting
philosophical
X-FACTOR
#3: DOWN THE BAYOU
"C'mon,
Gambit, you of all people ought to know where I'm coming
from..."
"Not dat I don'
sympathize, mon ami, but tell de truth, it kinda nice t'see some
-other- fella get called de traitor."
- WARREN and
GAMBIT
"Rogue... You shouldn't hurt
th' fella."
"Thank
you.”
"-I- should hurt
him. (WHAM!)”
- WARREN and SAM GUTHRIE. (Are you
getting the sense people are unhappy with Warren?)
“He's
a -thief-, Remy! D'you think maybe he lied t'you?"
"Take
offense at dat, cher. I'm a thief, an' I don' lie t'you."
"Yeah,
ya really do! All the time!"
- ROGUE and
GAMBIT
"Paige isn't your baby
sister anymore..."
"Nope,
she's somethin' worse. She's my momma's little girl. You got any idea
how dead I'll be if I don't get her home safe an' sound?"
-
WARREN and SAM. The Guthrie matriarch is not to be trifled with.
“I
wonder if (Paige) still likes pirates?"
"Why?"
"Uh...
no reason."
"You're not
makin' me want to kill you any less, Worthington..."
-
WARREN and SAM, proving there are some things a guy should not
discuss with his girlfriend's brother.
EXCALIBUR
#3: SLAYING THE DRAGON
“We
both cherish our power, m'lady. No matter how many times you try to
lay it down for the greater good, you always pick it up again. I
understand. You cannot help yourself. You love it so."
"I
love -them- so. I will always return when my friends need me."
"The
Phoenix cares nothing for people..."
"This
Phoenix does."
- MERLIN and JEAN GREY, comparing
notes.
"I'm here for Miss
Grey."
"You're too late.
I've claimed her."
"But
you'll give her back to me.”
"You're
very sure of yourself."
"Yes,
for good reason. You see... (*whispers*) We know what you are."
-
MINDEE, playing the unlikely hero against MERLIN
“I
have to translate the ancient Shi'ar and that takes a while, so bear
with me..."
“"Ye
speak ancient Shi'ar?"
"I
have a lot of time on my hands.”
"Jamie,
boy, I think it's time we find ye a girlfriend..."
-
MADROX and WOLFSBANE
"Oh, good. Seems the sentient
programs now think we're... pirates... or squirrels. Ancient Shi'ar
has a number of ambiguous words. But I think pirates makes more sense
in context."
- MADROX, translating
"We're
prepared to kill them."
"You
wouldn't. That would defeat your purpose. You wish to protect
Xavier's students."
"Do
we?"
"You expect me to
believe you'd just... murder all your friends? You're not so cold,
girl."
"The Five-in-One
doesn't have friends... Besides, it doesn't have to be all of them.
Just the -right- ones."
"If
you were willing, you'd have killed them already... You're
bluffing."
"Hurt miss Grey.
Find out."
- MINDEE and MERLIN, still talking
tough
"Wait... the -interior-defense lasers- woke you
up?"
"Hell, that ain't nothin'. Got woke up by the Hulk
once. Now -that's- a funny story..."
- MADROX and CAIN
MARKO, the Juggernaut
"I Phoenixed on him. I mean, I
completely -lost- it and... and Phoenixed on him. And he didn't even
blink."
- JEAN GREY, beginning to realize Merlin is our
Big Bad, the Slayer.
UNCANNY X-MEN #4: WHITE QUEEN, BLACK KING
"(Tell me about)
Slayer."
"Wasn't that the television program about the
vampire girl...?"
- SCOTT SUMMERS & SEBASTIAN SHAW,
reflecting on my rather poorly-named villain.
"So
is there a Universe where I'm like Queen or Empress or something?
Because I think that would be awesome...”
"To
my knowledge, it's never happened."
"Aww."
"Hey,
it's a big Multiverse. Hopefully not -that- big, but big..."
-
JUBILEE and BLINK
NORTHSTAR: “You
have -both- been here the -entire- time?"
SCOTT:
"You weren't separated?"
BLINK:
"Please, d'you think you can get away from this one for a
-second- when her mouth's running?"
JUBILEE:
"That's right, I-- Hey!"
- GROUP BANTER
"Oh,
and if you people think I'm bringing my son back into this
environment? You're freaking -insane-..."
- ANNIE
GHAZIKHANIAN, commenting on the Xavier mansion
"Dude,
you are kind of a bastard.”-
BOBBY DRAKE, to Scott
“I
am never just Emma. I am always the White Queen."
"Sure.
The question is... are you the White Queen of the Hellfire Club... or
the White Queen of the X-Men?"
- EMMA FROST and JUBILEE,
taking sides
NEW
X-MEN #4: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
X-23 (confronted by two
annoying guys): "I've got two (claws) for each of you."
RACHEL:
"And she hasn't even popped the foot claws yet.”
ANNOYING
GUY: "Babe. You have -foot claws?- How lame is that?"
-
GROUP BANTER. I never tire of mocking those.
"Forge...
by the way, do you have a full name?"
"Yes."
"And
it is...?"
"-Mister-
Forge."
- RACHEL and FORGE
“The
lady might be better off without your... interpersonal skills."
"I
have -great- interpersonal skills! People I like, I like. People I
don't, I kill. Where's the problem?"
- FORGE and
alt-CABLE
"Are all you little Wolverine groupies so
pointlessly competitive?"
- MONET to alt-Kitty Pryde
"Too
many martyrs. Too many causes. People shouldn't have to die over
memories."
"People will die, Henry. If we inspire them,
at least they'll die for the right reasons."
- The BEAST
and alt-SAGE
“(Logan) fell in
love with your mother, just as things became... difficult... between
her and your father."
"Let
me guess: Affair with Emma Frost?"
"Er...
actually, yes. How did...?"
"Oh,
some bad things are just bound to happen.”
-
Alt-NIGHTCRAWLER and RACHEL, discussing alternate history
TEXT
EXCERPT:
“The next thing Tessa felt was her own body
flying through Katherine Pryde's office window. She remembered, with
her everlasting clarity, that it was precisely 168.35 meters to the
ground. She anticipated some degree of discomfort.”
“Perhaps
it does not matter... if (Xavier's) dream can be made real. Perhaps
it only matters that we dream it. -Sehr gut-, then. I have lived, and
I will die, an X-Man."
- Alt-NIGHTCRAWLER, rediscovering
his purpose
"So now we just
turn around and we're home by lunchtime, right? I can't wait to see
Dad and oh crap when he finds out I'm shot he's gonna kill -you- and
lock -me- up in a convent...”
- NOCTURNE, feeling a
telepathic painkilling buzz
"Esme... bite us."
-
Four out of five CUCKOOS agree.
"I
have a message from Omega Red."
"How
many letters?"
"Four in the
first word, three in the--"
"Same
to him."
- CAPTAIN AMERICA and WOLVERINE
"That
girl, Kitty, means a lot to you."
"How
d'you know?"
"You hardly
ever scowl when you say her name. She's almost unique in that
regard.”
- Still CAP and WOLVIE.
“I
can't drive, you know. I needed two sisters in alternate dimensions
poring over driver's manuals to pull that off. And I -still- crashed
us."
- CELESTE CUCKOO, explaining an auto accident
"I
am -Homo sapiens superior,- fascist. As the Americans say, I got your
master race right here."
- COLOSSUS, being all
defiant
“You pick them for looks, not brains, don't
you, dear?”
- The SLAYER, to Kitty, taunting her over her
love for Piotr.
"Are you
-really- my granddaughter?"
"Don't
worry. We're not close."
"That's
something of a relief, my dear..."
- MAGNETO and
NOCTURNE
"I'm gonna kill you
the bad way for this."
"Aw,
Logan. Can you really kill your little kitten?"
"You
don't know me very well, darlin'. I can kill anybody."
-
WOLVERINE and a Slayer-possessed KITTY
"Sophie...
luv, we're on the same side."
"Although
you killed me."
"I've
always had our best interests at heart."
"Until
you -killed- me."
- ESME & SOPHIE CUCKOO, a
family dynamic Hamlet would appreciate.
"I don't
believe it's not done yet. I need, like, a butter -winch- or
something."
and
"Do -not- ask me to go out into that
stable. (Churning butter) is bad enough, but that's where I draw the
line. I have a -medical degree,- girl."
- CECILIA REYES,
not enjoying the 19th Century
"Only
take one betrayal."
"Look
who's talkin'."
"True. An'
I'd be crazy t' trust -me- in a spot like dis..."
-
ROGUE and GAMBIT, discussing Warren
“Whatever
else we are, we're X-Men. We ain't gonna turn on each other
over...”
“Over what? Love? If you were not willing to
do terrible things for love, you would be the first.”
-
Jonothon Starsmore-- CHAMBER-- and the SLAYER, discussing
jealousy
"What do we know about
Elkhorn Tavern, Mr. Wizard?"
"Don't
anybody else around here read?"
"I
spent four years memorizing all 206 bones in the human skeleton. I
could give a crap about who commanded who at
Fredericksville."
"Fredericksburg."
"Whatever."
-
CECILIA REYES and SAM GUTHRIE, discussing history
"Bunch'a
rotten ol' rednecks. They didn't think my behavior was 'appropriate
for a lady'..."
"Well, you
did grab that man by his Adam's apple and..."
"He
started it!"
- ROGUE and SOPHIE, exiting a
tavern
EXCALIBUR
#4: CONSTANT AS THE NORTHERN STAR
"Ever" was a
word that broke her heart when she thought about what she might have
had... and what she would have now.
- TEXT EXCERPT, regarding
POLARIS
“Where's
Charles?”
“We'll never
tell.”
“He thinks you
know where Charles is.”
“He's
right.”
“He means to
know. He'll kill you, and your sisters, and my friends with
you!”
“Maybe. But we'll
never tell.”
- JEAN GREY, acting desperate, and
MINDEE CUCKOO, acting creepy.
"Hey,
this ain't no free country. The limeys don't invent that Magnum
Carter thing fer years."|
"Magna
Carta.”
"Whatever."
-
CAIN MARKO and ALEX SUMMERS, discussing history
UNCANNY
X-MEN #5: MEMORY AND SHADOW
“I
used to have a recurring dream where I was back at my old high
school. I was naked... and, well, stunning, of course, so really it
all turned out rather well.”
“Thanks
for sharing. I am totally gonna hurl.”
“I wish
you wouldn't. This is a rental.”
- EMMA FROST and
JUBILEE
“Emma, you gotta do
one thing for me.”
“I know. You want to know my
motives are pure... We are about to unearth a secret I would have
preferred remain buried. It will be unpleasant. It may be dangerous.
But it will not be unethical, you have my word.”
“'Kay.
Actually, I was just gonna ask if we could hit a rest stop. I really
need to pee.”
“I will never take you anywhere
again.”
“-You- paid for the
32-ounce soda.”
- EMMA and JUBES, continuing to
share too much
“You might take a moment to remember,
Mr. Creed, that I'm touching you... And I can teleport anything I can
touch. You thought the missing arm was fun? -Believe- me, there are
worse things you can lose.”
- BLINK to SABRETOOTH, no
longer playing nice
“Do you ever get the feeling
that all these pointless superheroics are just another way for a
bunch of males to determine who has the bigger... Spandex?”
-
MYSTIQUE to Blink, making a valid point
"You're a
cold woman, Miss Lee. Ice-cold. I think that's what I like about
you."
"Big talk from a guy who'd
need an igloo, a space heater, and a parka to keep a girl warm at
night."
"Are you suggesting a date? Because I can
totally procure those things..."
- Future-BOBBY and
Future-JUBILEE, flirting
“You know, modern medical
technology can help your sleeping disorder. We call this
beat-the-crap-out-of-you-therapy. It's an instant cure! Side effects
include death, death, death, death, and-- well, death.”
-
HAWK, pounding on WARPATH
“Mister Creed, look around
for a moment. Everybody here hates you except me. And you're planning
to messily devour -me-. It might be time to consider whether you're
living right.”
- BLINK to SABRETOOTH
“You
do remind (me) of Emma, you know.”
“In
your sad and lonely dreams, Summers.”
- SCOTT and
MYSTIQUE, establishing that Cyke doesn't get -all- the
ladies...
“When we unlock what we're looking for...
you'll have to destroy it.”
“The
passage?”
“The Academy.”
“You
brought me here to blow up my high school?”
- EMMA
and JUBILEE, moving the plot forward
NEW X-MEN #5: STORM FRONTS- IN COLLISION!
"T'Challa,
-former- king of Wakanda, say the word and I will make you a prince.
You shall be... a great man in this realm. You have only to accept
that which is undeniable-- and bow."
"I
bow to no usurpers in -my- realm."
- alt-STORM
and KING T'CHALLA, testing wills
“I do not know that
you would wish to find out how disagreeable I can be."
-
our STORM, something of an understatement
“Don't
mind the kissing; he's been doing that to -everyone-. I suppose it's
understandable with (Rachel), and well, of course -I'm- irresistible,
but really, Doctor, what was the appeal of that meter maid?"
-
MONET, taking exception to the Beast's cheerful demeanor
"After
dragging me all this way, your plan is to leave me at the mercy of
these psychotics?"
"How many of them vocal chords you
figure you really -need-, girl?"
- ESME and alt-CALLISTO,
snarking
“Lady Ororo,
for... our crimes against our friends... I condemn us both to a
private hell.”
- STORM, pronouncing judgment on her
alternate self.
X-FORCE #5: SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME
"You
stole my power.”
"Yes."
"You
kissed me, too."
"Yes."
"Was
it good for you?"
"I've had
better.”
“Liar.”
-
WOLVERINE and PSYLOCKE, developing some UST...
"Well,
that's the thing about... perpetual innocence... It lacks
responsibility."
- NIGHTCRAWLER, getting philosophical
“I
think th' fur's right adorable."
"Ah,
if this were only a few years past..."
"You ain't
so old, m'dear."
"It's not the
years, sweetheart, it's the mileage.”
-
NIGHTCRAWLER, fending off a WAITRESS by quoting Indiana
Jones.
“Always had a thing for
telepaths..."
"As though
there's an X-woman you've never had a thing for."
"Don't
knock it 'till you try it, babe.”
"Don't
flirt with me, Logan. I just tried to kill you."
"Yeah.
You know what I like."
- WOLVERINE and
PSYLOCKE
"We know your work,
fraulein. We are prepared for you."
(ZAP! He's
dead.)
"Might want to prep some
more.”
- A NAZI and DAZZLER
"Sorry.
I left my 'Hi, my name's TJ and I'm Evil!' nametag in another
dimension."
- NOCTURNE, turning down Magneto
“You
wait like -years- for a guy to notice you, and then -more- years for
him to get over his little alien healer tart and family issues an'..
an' death an' stuff, and finally-- FINALLY things are going well, and
you finally even, you know, you start to get serious and then you...
your worst nightmare happens, and he's sitting there looking all
betrayed and you could just phase right into the... *ahem!* Sorry. I
have demon-possession issues. I did have a point, also. I think."
-
KITTY PRYDE, rambling about love and loss.
"Yum. Greasy slabs
of grizzled meat and bread with weevils in it."
and
"Charmed
as I am by the citizens of Mayberry, don't we have more important
things to do?"
and
(as a telepathic order) “You'll
turn in, get a good night's sleep, and forget all about us. You will
also introduce fresh vegetables into your diet, because seriously?
This is gross.”
- SOPHIE, not really adapting to the
cuisine or the culture
SOPHIE:
“Well... this is a change. I thought we were forgiving and
forgetting."
PHOEBE: "That
was before (Esme) was a traitor bitch.”
MINDEE:
"Now she is, and we want to kill her.”
PHOEBE
& MINDEE: “What do we do?”
SOPHIE:
"Well, next time you could try listening to the -good- sister
instead of the, you know, the evil one."
- The
STEPFORD CUCKOOS, in conference
"Give
me 24 hours. I don't come back, the team is yours."
"Cher,
if you say not t' follow, on my sainted grand-mère's grave,
I'll--"
"-What- gramma?
You're an -orphan-, Remy!"
"Details.
Point is, we follow."
- ROGUE
and GAMBIT, facing danger
“Jono,
this is... amazing for me, I have to tell you. I cannot believe I am
actually sitting here with you."
"Well,
actually... erm, yer not. Y'see, yer just a projection of me
unconscious mind which this great flamin' villain has dredged up to
try ter turn me t' the Dark Side. No offense, luv."
-
An IMAGINARY TV HOST and CHAMBER, playing mindgames
“Yer
a Yank villain, ain'tcher? Gotta be. It's the incessant bragging,
mate. Gives yer away.”
- CHAMBER, taking rather a cheap
shot
EXCALIBUR #5: GIFT OF THE MADRI
"I could eat a
horse. No offense to the sentient horses present.”
-
JAMIE MADROX, practicing cultural sensitivity
"Did
(Madrox) actually use -behooves- in a sentence? That ain't normal. I
-gotta- beat the crap outta that little geek someday."
-
CAIN MARKO
"Um. Hi, there. I know, you're thinking
what everyone thinks: How does she keep her hair so naturally green
and shiny? Well, it's a closely guarded secret between me and
She-Hulk..."
- POLARIS, sweet-talking a very large
baddie.
“Didn't you Avengers learn -anything- from
Captain America?"
"Yes, but you had to survive the
fourteen-hour Ethics class to get to the good part."
-
POLARIS and QUICKSILVER, mocking all that is good and true
"Think
of it: I could create an -army- of redhead-obsessed Madroxes. We
could take over this world! You and Jean could rule from on high. We
could find this reality's Wolverine and get him into the act. He's
been around since King Arthur, right?"
- MADROX to
Wolfsbane
“My only revelation today was that if
you're really hungry enough, you can eat a field mouse."
"Don't
remind me.”
- ALEX SUMMERS and WOLFSBANE, disliking
Medieval cuisine even more
"Break him."
-
MADROX to Marko, passing sentence on a murderous duplicate. Sort of a
murder-suicide deal.
"(The
Slayer) tried his best, but Mindee isn't dead. She's sleeping. The
Bible term's -Talitha cumi-."
"What's
that mean?"
"Loosely
translated? She's our little phoenix..."
- JEAN
GREY and MARKO
UNCANNY X-MEN #6: NEW ENGLAND MILE
"Y'mean the two
nastiest villains in the history of the X-Men -dissed- you?"
"Yes,
and speaking as the -third--nastiest villain in the history of the
X-Men, I won't pretend I wasn't hurt.”
- JUBILEE and EMMA
FROST
"We were NICE! We FORGAVE her! She was ONE of
us! And she (betrayed us) AGAIN! Now it's OVER! Now there's NOTHING
LEFT! Because of her, we've FAILED! But she'll be so-- very--
SORRY!"
- PHOEBE CUCKOO, throwing a tantrum and pretty
much deciding to murder her sister.
"As a newbie, you
may not know the exact rules, so let me explain. You're a certified
supervillain now. You can look forward to a life of petty crime,
hiding from justice, and getting the crap beat out of you by men and
women wearing Spandex... The good news for you is, heroes are an
admirable lot. Nine times out of ten, the fellow kicking your butt
for you will be a nice, non-lethal person. The bad news is that this
is the tenth time, and I'm not one. You've got ten seconds to talk.
Use them well."
- WARPATH, interrogating a
prisoner
"Maybe (the Hellfire Club) sensed the good
in you or something. Bad guys -hate- that."
“Please.
Even my fellow X-Men don't sense the good in me, and we've saved the
world together."
- JUBILEE and EMMA
"Y'know
all those public-service messages about how our teachers are our
heroes? Someday I wanna meet the producer of those for -five
minutes-..."
- JUBILEE, whose teacher was Emma (see
above)
“Hold your briefing, Scott. I'll go after
Emma. You might want to have something small ready to give her when
she gets back. Like flowers. Or a yacht.”
- BOBBY DRAKE,
giving relationship advice
NEW
X-MEN #6: SUMMERS' END
"So
which laws are we breaking -this- week?"
"All
of them.”
"Well. Aren't we
ambitious? I'm intrigued. And when I say 'intrigued,' I mean I'm a
dirty scoundrel who'll do anything for money...”
"There
is no money."
“Oooooh,
intrigueness level dropping. In fact, it's nearly gone. If there's no
money, there'd -better- be loose women or--"
"I'm
re-forming the X-Men... Want in?"
"No
thanks! I don't care if the women were as loose as Emma Frost, I
wouldn't-- well, okay, -maybe- if it were Emma Frost. Sometimes I
turn into her, just to feel pretty."
- alt-MORPH
and alt-NIGHTCRAWLER, discussing civic responsibility
"Oh,
this is -so- not working. You're not conning me, Wagner. There is no
way I'm going with you. I don't -want- to be an X-Man. Wild -horses-
couldn't drag me out of this booth to-- wait, why am I getting out of
the booth? It's like I can't stop! HELP! Somebody help! I think I'm
abducting myself! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? If you had any decency,
you'd at least grab me a beer on your way out!"
- MORPH,
being noble
"With my final breath, creature, I
renounce you-- and speak again the name I have denied! At the end,
and forever, I... AM... STORM!"
- final
words of alt-STORM. Yes, she's always that dramatic.
"Take
it from one of the Beautiful People... Those who love you -only- for
your body are likely to be unworthy of your fabulous mind."
-
MONET, being enlightened. Sort of.
"I
call heads.”
"Were we flipping a coin?"
"No...
I get their heads. You can have the rest of them."
-
X-23 and MONET, ready for trouble
"You are such
a..."
"Need a good descriptive term? I have lots.
'Psychotic traitor dwarf' comes to mind.”
- alt-JEAN and
alt-SCOTT, discussing Wolverine
"If you're very sweet
to me, dear, perhaps I'll consent to share (Scott). What do you say
to Tuesdays and Thursdays?"
- alt-EMMA, on the verge of a
fighting Jean.
X-FORCE #6: I'LL BE SEEING YOU
“-Verdammt-
Russian peasant, you have no idea how sick I am of--”
"You
nearly killed Katya. You nearly killed -me-. But, monster, Colossus
LIVES! And by all I hold dear, you will come to regret each breath!"
(WHAM.)
- The SLAYER, possessing Kurt, and COLOSSUS.
He's pretty dramatic, too.
PIOTR: "I
love you. Nothing else matters."
KITTY
(about to let the villain take her): "Remember that. I'm comin'
back."
SLAYER: “Indeed you
shall return... You're a most efficient method of killing your
friends.”
KITTY: “Sadistic
creep, you can absolutely kiss my--”
BAMF!
-
I indulge in an Empire Strikes Back moment, and some dumb
humor.
“Emma Frost? If -you're- welcomin' me,
darlin, this place is gonna be more fun than I figured..."
-
WOLVERINE, thinking he's in the afterlife
“Ripping
off Arthurian legend is even dumber than ripping off Buffy."
"Who
is this Buffy you all seem to know?"
- KITTY and the
SLAYER, making fun of the author
"Screw the
Multiverse. Kurt's my father. Try and make me leave."
-
NOCTURNE, being all heroicy.
"Freiherr... the Red
Skull awaits on the telephone. He wishes to discuss his
upcoming--"
"Tell him I'm not
available."
"But-- he'll have me
killed!"
"Good!"
-
SOME RANDOM NAZI and BARON ZEMO, being villains.
"Look
at you, the Master of Magnetism. Where's your sodding backbone? One
little demon violates your mind and suddenly you're all atwitter?
Poor dear. Perhaps you should take up knitting if--"
"THIS
IS ALL THAT REMAINS OF ME! I destroyed my children... The humans
destroyed my nation. The Nazis broke my body and the Slayer, my very
soul. I am -nothing- now."
"Then
remember what you were."
"Once,
I was... I -meant- something. Perhaps I was hated-- but I was hated
for my strength, my clarity of vision. I meant every word I ever said
to my people."
“Yes. I
wonder what they'd think of you now?"
"It's
over, Miss Frost. I've failed. What would you do, in my place?”
"I'd
reclaim what was mine. You know, you're really not much of a
super-villain if I have to -tell- you that."
- EMMA
and MAGNETO, getting his groove back
"You stupid--
little-- freak! I wouldn't absorb you if I -could!- Your only useful
power is the ability to swill beer!”
- The SLAYER to
Wolverine
“I think it is time to correct a
misapprehension of yours in our previous meetings. I am not your
pawn. I am the pinnacle of human evolution. My name is Magneto,
and if you do not tremble to hear it-- by the time this day is done,
you will."
- MAGNETO takes a stand
"I
ain't givin' up on you."
"Perish
the thought. And should it even cross your mind..." (They kiss)
"How's that for incentive?"
"I've...
had better."
"Liar."
-
WOLVERINE and PSYLOCKE. Lots of ESB moments in this one.
X-FACTOR
#6: THE THIEF AND THE ANGEL
"You'll
never get away with this."
"Oh,
that's a -good- one. Tell the truth, dear, did Xavier teach you that?
Or did you just pick it out of the Big Book of Damsel in Distress
clichés?"
- SOPHIE and ESME, leading to the
follow-up line by SOPHIE:
"It's bad
enough she's evil; does she have to be -mean-, too?"
"Don'
never trust a smart man, Monsieur Ange. Reckon we both of us smart
men, non?"
"No. You're a
-clever- man, Remy, not -smart-. Do you know what the difference
is?"
"Bet you gon' tell
me."
"A clever man knows
how things work-- just well enough to get what he wants. A smart man
knows -why- things work-- so he can make others get it for him."
-
GAMBIT and WARREN
“My momma used t' tell me, always
be kind to fools, Sammy, 'cause they'll always have ya
outnumbered."
- SAM GUTHRIE
"You got any
-idea- how many sisters I grew up with? That 'gentleman' stuff pretty
much went out the window for survival's sake."
- SAM,
assuring Esme that he would so hit a girl.
"I'm not
you. I -hate- when you (compare us).”
“Yes, dear, I
know. That's why I do it."
- ESME and EMMA, in a Battle of
the Snark
EXCALIBUR
#6: THE GIRL WHO WOULD BE PHOENIX
“Do
you really think I'd (use my power on you)?"
"I
would, in your place."
"Yes,
Emma, I think we can agree that if I were you, we would be having a
different conversation."
- JEAN GREY and EMMA
FROST, in a long-awaited confrontation
“Wait. We're
gossiping, Emma. That's dangerously close to bonding."
"We
must never speak of this.”
- JEAN and EMMA, coming to an
understanding
"I've heard of kissing cousins, but
kissing in-laws? Is this 'Hamlet?' Should I fetch a skull?"
-
POLARIS, jealous of Jean and Alex
“It's not fair
that I'm the -only- Madrox with allergies. How does that happen?"
"If
we're getting physical variations, now, can I be taller?”
-
TWO MADROX DUPLICATES, being weird
"Be careful,
Rahne! I-- I love you!"
"Shut th' flamin' hell up.”
-
MADROX DUPE and WOLFSBANE, the object of his unrequited love.
"I'm
off to see the wizard."
- CAIN MARKO, en route to beating
the living crap out of Merlin
"Optimism is a system
of belief that discards the predictive value of past events.”
-
MORGAN LE FAY, explaining why her bad plan will certainly work *this*
time.
"I locked (King Arthur) back in (his) cell.
Remember, he was kind of a dork."
- JAMIE MADROX,
explaining to Wolfsbane that he basically didn't feel like rescuing
the King.
X-MEN
ETERNITY: THE CROSSROADS
"You
were all so afraid of Mom... but Jean Grey was a sweet person with a
family who loved her and a nice, normal life and normal ideals. She
fought the Phoenix with everything in her. Did you ever wonder what
would happen if she just... said... 'the hell with it?'"
"Yes...
I actually did."
- RACHEL and JEAN GREY, meeting
for the first time since her rebirth, Chapter 1
"You
just want to stop controlling it, just let it -be-, let the fire
burn. You want to scream. You want everyone -else- to scream."
-
JEAN GREY, on what it's like to be a Phoenix, Chapter 1
"We're
going in, aren't we?"
"Bet your
ass."
"I -like- my ass. I'm gonna miss it when
I'm gone."
- alt-DOMINO and alt-CABLE, Chapter 1
JEAN:
"Sorry, um... who are you and why are you smelling me?"
X-23:
"I know your scent...”
BISHOP:
"Oh, you haven't met X! She's Wolverine's clone."
JEAN:
"Okay. I have officially been away too long."
-
GROUP BANTER, Chapter 1
"What
makes you think I'll tell you?"
"'Cause
I'll rip ya in half if ya don't, babe."
"Hmm.
Do the words 'frontal lobotomy' mean anything to you?"
"Plenty.
Kid like you ain't gonna crack my brain, that's damn sure."
"Somebody
needs a saucer of milk. I've always wanted a kitty; I think I'll call
you 'Muffin'..."
- PHOEBE CUCKOO and SABRETOOTH,
making friends, Chapter 2
"Now that we're going to be
X-Men, I have so many questions! Particularly about this, this whole
Jean Grey/Madelyne Pryor/Phoenix/Dark Phoenix thing. Do you have any
IDEA how confusing that is? Will there be a test? I've got to
study!"
- HAWK, breaking the tension, Chapter 2
“Welcome,
Robert Drake. Are you ready to meet the future?”
"Been
there. It's full of Sentinels and high gas prices and spam e-mail.
I'll pass."
- The SLAYER and BOBBY DRAKE, Chapter
2
“Like, first I tried to give
up the whole hero thing and I went to New York, but then-- -major-
180-- Scott shows up and he's like, 'Dude! Where's my X-Men?' and I'm
like--"
"Scott said
'Dude?'"
"I'm paraphrasing.
Then that hairball Sabretooth shows up, and Clarice-- wait'll you
meet Clarice... we're like best buds even though at first I thought
she was a skank, but we went to Chicago and we fought Mystique but I
never did get to do any shopping so then Bobby like starts to totally
freak out on us, and I think he's developing a really significant
crush on me but he is so in denial and Emma got kicked off the X-Men
only she's not really kicked off the X-Men it's like a game only she
doesn't know it's a game and we found this portal and I wanted to
hurl 'cause it's completely like WHOA but then I saw Wolvie
and--"
-JUBILEE and CECILIA REYES, summarizing the
whole entire plot to date, Chapter 2
“I wanted to
organize a roast for Spider-Man once, but the dude mocks -himself-.
Where's the challenge?"
- BOBBY, issuing a non sequitor,
Chapter 2
"So... Jeannie...
how've you been?"
"I've
been asleep in the White Hot Room beyond time waiting to reawaken and
burn the Universe. You?"
"Oh,
I've been turning into sentient vapor and accidentally setting into
motion space-time paradoxes. So I guess we've both learned a little
lesson, huh?"
"I guess.
What would that be?"
"Damned
if I know."
- BOBBY DRAKE and JEAN GREY, meeting in
Chapter 2
“Cain, didn't you get anything out of that
little chat we had about killing people?"
"Uh...
'always ditch the evidence?'"
"Try again."
-
ALEX SUMMERS and CAIN MARKO, Chapter 3
“Are
you certain you won't remain with us, Sir Knight?”
"Thank
you, m'lady, but we must return to our own... well, kingdom."
"Oh!
Then you've located a Multiversal space-time rift?"
"Um--
But-- huh-- um... what the hell?!”
QUEEN GUINEVERE and
ALEX SUMMERS, making his brain go 'Tilt'- Chapter 3
"Good
food, good friends, actual padding under my butt. If they've got the
new season of '24' rattling around this place, I may weep."
-
JAMIE MADROX, returning to modern conveniences after a stint in the
Medieval era, Chapter 3
"Now let it end as it began--
IN FIRE!"
- Last words (?) of MAGNETO, Chapter 3
"Well,
gentlemen-- alone at last. I realize the odds are somewhat daunting,
but don't worry... I'll go easy on you."
- PSYLOCKE,
making her stand against a hundred super-powered foes, Chapter
3
"(Scott) should work for
Hallmark... They're coming out with a new product line: Blank cards
for the emotionally repressed."
"Reminds
me of our anniversary.”
- The BEAST and JEAN GREY,
poking fun at their fearless leader, Chapter 3
"You
IDIOT! You MORON! You complete freaking BRAINLESS SPAZ...! What
were you THINKING?! Do you think AT ALL?! Or do you just use that
lumpy head to hold up your STUPID HAIRDO?!"
"Excuse
me, Jubilee... We haven't technically saved his life yet."
"Sorry.
Good. You should do that. So I can KILL HIM AGAIN!"
-
JUBILEE and the BEAST, scolding Wolverine for his heroic idiocy,
Chapter 4
BEAST: “Until I've
run some further tests, there's little use in getting
upset..."
JUBILEE: "Oh,
(Wolvie) hasn't SEEN upset yet! We're still cruisin' on 'mildly
perturbed.' Upset comes later, when I've had time to absorb how
completely 404 he is!"
CECILIA:
“404?”
BEAST: "Clueless.
As in '404 Error-- Document Not Found.' It's Internet
slang."
CECILIA: "Wow.
You're quite the hep cat, aren't you, Doctor?"
-
GROUP BANTER and a little leftover Wolverine-scolding, Chapter
4
JUBILEE: “Back
off!"
SABRETOOTH: "Stay
outta this, girl, this is between me an'--"
PAFF!
(Jubilee blasts him through a wall.)
WOLVERINE
(wide-eyed): "Huh."
JUBILEE:
"I've been practicing. An' I didn't feel like saying 'back off'
twice."
- One of my
favorite moments, Chapter 4
“Yer a murderess,
Mystique."
"We're all just 'murderers' now. If you want
to insult me, you'll have to do better than sex discrimination."
- WOLFSBANE and MYSTIQUE, at each
others' throats, Chapter 4
"(Tricking me was)
for the best, I know. But you wouldn't have done it to any of the
others, because they're heroes, and heroes deserve better. I'm just
the enemy. Isn't that right, love?"
-
EMMA FROST to Scott, contemplating their relationship, Chapter
4
"Now, at -this- distance, I could raise me
voice on this side o' yer head an' blow what passes for yer brains
out t' other. With that thought in mind, I know yeh'll be tryin'
harder t' keep a civil tongue."
-
Sean Cassidy, the BANSHEE, being a tough guy, Chapter 4
“I
suggest you unhand me and leave, Northstar, unless you'd like to find
out the difference between a speedy tortoise and a genuine
hare."
"Although I am duly
intimidated by your bunny-rabbit analogy, I believe I will remain.”
-
QUICKSILVER and NORTHSTAR, a battle of the snarky super-speed titans,
Chapter 4
“I'm very fond of you, (Paige), so I'll
give you some advice... listen carefully, and please don't think me
too blunt: You... are... an... idiot."
- MONET, being
Monet, Chapter 5
"When we get Jono back, you ought to
see what happens with him. He's the one who deserves you."
"I
don't care about deserving... you don't -deserve- a human being. You
just -want- them. I want you."
- WARREN WORTHINGTON and
PAIGE GUTHRIE, a Big Romantic Moment, Chapter 5
“No
offense, but you maybe sorta killed us all."
- PHOEBE to
JUBILEE, Chapter 5
JUBILEE: "Scott,
will ya tell this spaz (Bobby) we're not just gonna -whack-
him?"
SCOTT: “He's got a
chance to survive. Nobody else does. And as Field Leader, he signed
off on the plan."
JUBILEE:
"Well, he's crazy! He thinks 'Resident Evil' is a date
movie!"
BOBBY: "Hey!"
LORNA:
"It's really not...”
-
GROUP BANTER regarding Bobby's inadequacy as a boyfriend and possible
insanity, Chapter 5
“Sorry--
who might you be?"
"Your
niece, -Uncle- Pietro."
"Don't
be absurd! You're-- an elf of some kind!"
"Yes,
thanks for noticing. I'm also your niece."
-
QUICKSILVER and NOCTURNE, having a family reunion, Chapter 5
"Hello,
Esme. Miss me?"
"But--
you're dead! I saw the Madrox (duplicate) kill you!”
"Yes.
That was no fun. For my -next- vacation, I want to go to Six
Flags."
- MINDEE CUCKOO,
turning the tables on her sister ESME, Chapter 5
"Think
hard about (going to rescue Psylocke). It ain't your fight. There's
lots of X-Men who could..."
"So who's speaking as an
X-Man? We're X-Force."
- WOLVERINE
and DAZZLER, having a team-building moment, Chapter 6
"Well,
isn't this sweet? What a family picture! Here's Rachel, and here's
Rachel's daddy, and here's Daddy's special friend Emma."
"Ray,
stop--!"
"Say goodbye to
Emma, Daddy. (ZAP!)”
- A Slayer-possessed RACHEL
GREY and SCOTT SUMMERS, facing off in Chapter 6.
CECILIA:
"You thought not-hatred would be a solid foundation for a
marriage?"
WARREN: "Look,
it was a beautiful moment! I finally have what I really want and--
and you really think it's -that- bad an idea?"
BEAST:
"Well, it's not my place to pry.”
CECILIA:
“Or mine.”
WARREN:
"But... if it were...?"
BEAST:
"Oh, terrible idea."
CECILIA:
"Worse than that."
- GROUP DISCUSSION of
Warren's wedding plans, Chapter 6
“Don't get snippy
with -me-. I only said you should grab the brass ring. I didn't
necessarily mean you should buy the amusement park. Although with his
money, you -could-..."
"Well, what
was I supposed to say? What -can- I say? I'm not ready for
marriage!"
"Then I suggest the words 'I'm not
ready for marriage.' Sorry, am I being tactless again? I can't always
tell."
- MONET, giving good advice (for once) to PAIGE,
Chapter 6
“This X-Men stuff is great if you're a
hero, but I'm just a working girl. I'm gonna save the world by
recycling like everybody else."
- Sarita Vazquez,
METRALLA, electing to boldly do nothing.- Chapter 6
“Necessity
is the mother of invention."
"Insanity's the father.”
-
The SLAYER and QUICKSILVER, just before the big battle, Chapter
6
The rip in space-time spread out from the Scarlet Witch,
a festering red crack in the blackness all around them, doing untold
damage to the worlds behind each portal it touched. The pain and
despair emanating from those portals was tangible, and the rip
reached out hungrily for (more)... (until) Jean Grey said, "No."
-
TEXT EXCERPT-- the battle begins, Chapter 7
"You are
not real! You're another trick!"
"I'm... not from your
neighborhood, but I -am- real. Look at me. Part of you is in my eyes.
I know you can feel it, like I do."
- The SCARLET WITCH
and NOCTURNE, having a mother-daughter moment, Chapter 7
“Maybe
a strange question to ask, but does anyone else see a pink elf on th'
ground?"
"That's
Blink.”
"An' I used t'
think 'Wolfsbane' was a bad code name..."
-
WOLFSBANE and WARPATH, in the thick of the battle, Chapter 7
“How
do we stop that many (Madrox duplicates)?”
"Well, we
could beam a whole bunch of me to the Klingon engine room..."
-The
BANSHEE and MADROX, being practical, Chapter 7
Longshot
was like a cross between a rockstar and a giant stuffed animal.
-
TEXT EXCERPT, Chapter 7. It's actually quite true.
"Brainless
macho stubborn MALE! I am SO over my crush on you! That I NEVER HAD,
by the way!"
- JUBILEE to Bobby, Chapter 7
"You
have spunk, Jubes. That buys you some last words, if you've got
'em."
"Wolvie always liked me best.”
-
A Slayer-possessed KITTY and JUBILEE, Logan's two proteges, fighting
in Chapter 7
"Uh... sorry about
that?"
"No big. You're not
so tough, y'know."
"Yeah.
These (broken) teeth are yours, I think."
“I
hate you.”
- KITTY comes to her senses before
killing JUBILEE, Chapter 7
"Why the grim faces, mein
freunds? Life is merely a circus! I wonder how many of your corpses I
can fit into one of those little cars?"
- A
Slayer-possessed NIGHTCRAWLER, spazzing out in Chapter 8
"Okay.
So I got pounded by a girl. I can deal with that. It's the 21st
Century. -But-... I get to hit back now, right?"
- CAIN
MARKO, about to go all Juggernaut on a possessed Rogue, Chapter
8
"Holy -crap-, I hate that there's two of 'em..."
-
SABRETOOTH, catching scent of X-23 in Chapter 8
"Yoo-hoo!
Over here! Can't catch me! I'm the gingerbread man! Or am I the
muffin man? I never remember which is which. Oh! I could be the
Michelin man! Or Mister Stay Puft!"
- HAWK, playing at
heroism by distracting the Slayer, Chapter 8
“Let me
draw you a picture: I'm an angel. You're a demon. Go to hell."
-
Last words of WARREN WORTHINGTON, saving the day in Chapter
9.
"Omega Mutant, my -ass-. Speaking of which, would
somebody cover my...?”
- A nude BOBBY DRAKE, weary from
the fight, Chapter 9.
“I
love you... I would have said yes (to your proposal)..."
"I
know. He showed me that, too. You would have been miserable. Too
different..."
"Aw, Warren,
honey... that was just -his- future. Ours could have been
-anything-..."
- PAIGE GUTHRIE and WARREN, saying
goodbye in Chapter 9.
“You... really love him, eh,
(Paige)? Yeh, I guess yer do. Right, then. Good-bye, Sunshine.”
-
JONOTHON STARSMORE, making a final sacrifice, Chapter 9.
"D'you
think Warren was right? Would we have been
miserable?"
"Unfortunately,
luv, I think you'd have lived happily ever after."
"Damn.
I was afraid of that."
- PAIGE and the new
ARCHANGEL, a coda from Chapter 10
"(Alex)
bet just about everybody in the Mansion he wouldn't get a hug out of
you. I just made twenty bucks."
"I
made fifty.”
- JEAN GREY and SCOTT SUMMERS, after
Scott finally hugs his brother, Chapter 10.
"Look at
the way (Kurt and Wanda are) getting along! I'll be born in this
dimension yet! I can't wait to meet my baby... um, self!"
-
NOCTURNE, being over-optimistic about her parents' chances, Chapter
10.
“You
said 'my' team? Alex is on this list."
"Yes,
but you're the field leader. It's your team."
"And
he's... okay with that?"
"He
insisted."
"You're making
that up."
"A little."
-
BOBBY DRAKE and SCOTT SUMMERS, discussing Bobby's sudden promotion
over his rival in Chapter 10.
"You
dog."
"Shut up."
"You
-dog-."
"Shut up -now-."
-
BOBBY, when he finds out SCOTT is going away with Jean, Chapter
1.
“So...
if (Scott and Jean) come back all deeply, desperately in love with
each other-- as they should be-- you're fine with that?"
"If
Jean Grey is so absolutely sodding irresistible, then I'd just as
soon get it over with. But... but, dear... if Scott returns from this
mission still in love with -me-... then every last one of you
charming people will be eating crow in my presence daily. You will
forgive me if I quite enjoy the thought.”
- RACHEL
GREY and EMMA FROST, discussing the above
UNCANNY X-MEN #7: FROM THE ASHES...
"Wake me when the
(fight's) over, huh?"
"It's Rogue and Emma, my friend.
If you're willing to sleep through -that-, you really must be getting
old..."
- WOLVERINE and BISHOP. Bishop, of course, is
speaking for the geekboy in me.
“In
this new ice form, I don't have a brain per se..."
"I've
been saying that for years!"
"Okay,
I walked into that one.”
- BOBBY DRAKE and ALEX
SUMMERS, training together.
“Scott and Emma
left the administrative details to me as of this morning-- apparently
on the theory that all Summerses have an innate talent for boring
stuff."
"No wonder I like
crossword puzzles!”
- ALEX and RACHEL, discovering
family traits.
NOCTURNE: “I
KNEW it! The Avengers want (Wanda), don't they? They want to punish
her for something that wasn't even her fault!"
BOBBY:
"Well, TJ, she did remake the world..."
NOCTURNE:
"But not for any -bad- reason! The Slayer tricked her! In fact,
from a certain point of view, he was -destined- to trick her, because
if he hadn't succeeded, he wouldn't have existed to... trick her in
the first place...”
SIRYN:
"D'yeh have any idea what yeh just said?"
NOCTURNE:
"Well... no, but I'm sure it means Mom wasn't at fault!"
ALEX:
"And I will explain that to (the Avengers). Possibly in terms
that are less... weird."
- GROUP DIALOG about the Scarlet
Witch.
"Yeh took advantage of
me.”
"Yes, I do that
sometimes."
"Then yeh tried
to kill me."
"I do that,
too.”
- SIRYN and MYSTIQUE, not liking each
other.
"You know me, Rogue. You know I'm not a hero.
But I'm glad you are."
- MYSTIQUE, showing her vulnerable
side to her foster daughter.
"God's greatest power is
not working miracles, but knowing how and when to work them. No human
can have that knowledge, and no one should have these kinds of
abilities thrust upon them without it.”
- NIGHTCRAWLER,
commenting on the morality of super-heroism.
"Anyone
want to tell me why I was a marsupial for a second there?"
-
RACHEL, commenting on the Scarlet Witch's propensity for warping
reality.
"I'm not going with Scott's team so we can
get back together. You know that, right?"
"Well, no. Not
really. But I'll pretend I know, if you like, and you can pretend to
believe me."
- JEAN and RACHEL GREY, discussing family
business.
GENERATION ETERNITY #1: JUBILATION DAY
BEEEEP! BEEEEP!
BEEEEP!
"DIE!" (PAF!)
- JUBILEE greets her alarm
clock in the morning.
“I was
only acting in your best interests."
"By getting
us tipsy on cheap champagne!"
"I
resent that. That was Krug, Clos du Mesnil 1995. Seven hundred and
fifty dollars a bottle..."
"A nice little
investment if you can't find a -real- wine.”
"And
you were considerably more than tipsy, dear."
"I
don't care if I was dancing on the tabletops-- I wasn't dancing on
tabletops, was I?"
- EMMA and MONET hold a snobbery
contest.
"Don't lecture me about ethics, Sean. I
teach a class on them, remember? I can tell you precisely what
they're worth: Five points for each correct answer, plus the paper
they're printed on, and that's -all-. While you're enjoying your
pretty ethics, the students here are being endangered. Do you have
any idea how many times this place has been rebuilt? We have every
contractor in the tri-state area on speed dial. Children have been
hurt. Children have died. I'll grant you the Academy wasn't always
safe, but at least we weren't inviting every arch-nemesis from the
Toad to the Slayer to ring our sodding doorbell!"
- EMMA
FROST. She's kinda evil but she gives a good speech.
"Morning,
Sean. Morning, Emma. GOOD MORNING, MONET!"
"Ahh!
Miserable little..."
- JUBILEE ruthlessly exploits her
rival MONET's hangover...
EMMA: "We
had an agreement, Miss Lee. You signed a--"
JUBILEE:
"Sue me!"
MONET: "Maybe you should give her
the speech.”
EMMA: "Yes. Right.
Don't lecture me about ethics, Jubilation. I--"
JUBILEE:
"Sure, Emma. I won't teach you about (ethics), and you don't
teach me about dressing like a--"
SEAN:
"Jubilation!"
JUBILEE:
"Well, she -does-!"
- GROUP BANTER as Emma
wrangles to get Jubilee on the team.
“I
have places to be. Emma's called a last-minute meeting to reassess
the team composition."
"What
does that mean?"
"It means
she wants to yell at me for a while."
- SCOTT and
JONO, revealing that... yes... Scott is whipped.
“Check
this out: Apparently they have this place where you go and you can
watch DVD's, but on a really big screen, and with popcorn and stuff.
Isn't that amazing?"
"Um...
yeah. Moving pictures. Wicked cool."
- One last
BLINK and JUBILEE scene, for the road.
"C'mon,
Clarice. You know me. When have I ever been
impulsive?"
“SNERK!”
“Yeah,
yeah... That would have been the time to supportively lie."
-
JUBILEE and BLINK, being best friends.
"Y'know,
there's a dumb rumor goin' around about you an' Betsy..."
"What
d'you want me to say?"
"It
should start 'I'm not really leavin' again so I can go screw around
with Ninja Barbie!'"
- JUBILEE and WOLVERINE,
having trouble adjusting to change.
"Is there any
doubt in your mind, boy, that if she gets hurt again, I will find a
way to kill you?"
- WOLVERINE, being all protective of
Jubilee
"We want Jubilee."
"Missin'
the runt's mascot? What's that to me? Go to hell."
"Let
me make this clear: NOBODY--" (WHAM!) "--disrespects that
girl--" (POW!) "--but ME!" (BAM!)
- MONET and
SABRETOOTH. Sabes is the one getting schooled.
“Sounds
like your advice is: Love sucks."
"Yeh, basically. “
-
JUBILEE and JONO, commiserating.
X-FORCE #7: WHEN THEY CAME MARCHING HOME...
“Do
I seem like an angry person to you, Pete?"
"Well...
there was that time I ripped your 'Star Wars' poster..."
"That
was a collector's item, ya doofus!"
- KITTY and COLOSSUS.
I can't speak for Joss Whedon, but this is why *I* like
Kitty.
"You're gonna be calling me pun'kin when I'm
45, aren't you?"
"I'll be callin' you pun'kin when
you're ninety."
- KITTY and WOLVERINE.
"Wait.
I been dissing you for ten years; all I had to do to get your respect
was get somebody -else- t' do it?"
- WOLVERINE to Scott,
as they loathe each other once for the road.
“I'll
tell you what you think. You -think- you're a Mark II Nazi Skull,
super-strength approximately Class 80, enhanced endurance and
short-range flight capability. You think you're in this country as a
sleeper agent, and some fine night-- I'll guess tonight-- you're
going to set this town ablaze, for the glory of the Fuhrer. You
further think you've just kept your secret safe by capturing one of
the good guys. But here's where you're wrong, friend..." (ZAP!)
"...I'm not a very good guy.”
- British secret agent
PETER WISDOM, making an entrance
"Don't try that at
home, huh? An' eat vegetables. Lots of 'em. For breakfast, even.
Gotta go."
- WOLVERINE, being a role model
"Greetings,
gentlemen. You may call me Storm. I'm afraid you are creating a
disturbance here. I offer you three seconds in which to surrender
peacefully...” (no response) “-Ein. Zwei. Drei.-"
(ZZZAP!)
- STORM, making an entrance of her own
"(Wisdom)
tells me you're a... what's the term... weather witch?"
"Elemental
goddess, if you prefer.”
"...Look,
princess--"
"Goddess. Or just Storm, if you
prefer the informal."
- TALBOT meets his match in
STORM.
"There's nothing more dangerous than a decent
man. Your average degenerate can be bought. He can be controlled. A
decent man answers only to himself. He's unpredictable and
irresponsible. If the world's to end in fire, it'll be some decent
man who lights the fuse."
- TALBOT spells out his
philosophy
"You're a British secret agent. People
-expect- you to be charming. Then you open your mouth."
-
KITTY to Wisdom
“Tell me why you're -really-
here."
"I told you. I went to
bed--"
"Yeah, I heard. The thought of you in bed
isn't so great that I needed to think it twice."
- KITTY
and WISDOM. Yeah, there's some tension there.
“With
such resources at your disposal, why come to me?"
"Because,
Commander... you're the best."
"In
whose judgment, sir?"
"History's.”
-
Real-Life Confederate blockade runner RAPHAEL SEMMES puts in an
appearance, talking to a VILLAIN.
“The
West?”You mean like with Indians? Um, Native Americans?”
“Best
stick to 'Indians' here, petit. Mebbe you noticed de Confederacy
lackin' in what we call political correctness.”
-
PAIGE GUTHRIE and GAMBIT
“Suggest
you trust (my friend) 'bout one notch less than you trust me.”
“You
oughta know we trust you, Remy.”
“Yeh.
Ought to break dat nasty habit, petit.”
-
GAMBIT and PAIGE GUTHRIE, riffing on Gambit's bad
reputation.
“Bottom
line, Rogue, the worst that can happen is, we all die horribly. No
big thing. Trust me, I've been dead, I know.”
“Yeah,
yeah, we all been dead.”
-
CECILIA REYES and ROGUE. The X-Men tend to return from the dead a
lot. Like, a *lot*.
“We've discussed this...
Until I am satisfied as to your personal honor, you're to be kept on
a short leash.”
“I despise leashes. They chafe. So
does honor, for that matter.”
-
CAPTAIN EVERETT and MYSTIQUE, giving her a chance to snark.
NEW
X-MEN #7: WAR MACHINES
“Holy Mother
McCree, that is one pissed-off birdie...”
- alt-MORPH
sums up the Phoenix
“Kids today. You feed 'em, you
clothe 'em, you clean up after 'em when they leak protoplasm all over
their centrifuge, and what does it get you? Heartache. And
child-support payments, as though you had any IDEA a Changeling could
be genetically compatible with a flatscan when you-- HEM! But enough
about me, buddy, how are you feeling? A little under the weather?
Want me to fluff your pillows? Make you a sandwich? Comb the nits out
of your fur?”
- alt-MORPH to Nightcrawler, sort of an
off-color version of the genie from “Aladdin”
CREED:
“Help you with something,
kid?”
X-23: “Guess.”
(SHIKT!
She guts him...)
BISHOP: “What the
hell was that?”
X-23: “I was saying hello. Was
that not clear?”
- GROUP BANTER as the future GENERAL
CREED meets X-23
“Lucas Bishop, Parental Authority
Figure?”
“Authority, hell. Somebody's got to keep that
kid alive.”
- JEAN GREY and BISHOP, discussing his mentor
role to X-23.
“Saw
me (a movie) last night with Mary-Jane Parker in it. Whoo! You talk
about a babe...”
“You
desperately need a woman. This explains a lot.”
“Tell
me about it, but She-Hulk ain't returnin' my calls. Guess it's just
me an' Mary Jane for now, eh?”
“Maybe
we shouldn't talk -at all-.”
“Sounds
like a plan.”
- CAIN MARKO and SCOTT SUMMERS come
to an understanding
PETER
SZABO (pointing to New Big Scary Evil Guy): “That's
Laszlo.”
NOCTURNE:
“The dude from 'Casablanca?'”
MARIKA
SZABO: “Laszlo Vadász, our leader... He and I were...
close.”
NOCTURNE: “I
guess he's attractive, if you like, y'know, the Michael Myers
type...”
-
GROUP BANTER introduces the plot, and proves that my fascination with
'Casablanca' is pervasive. I don't know where the “Halloween”
ref came from, though.
“I
wish I'd gotten a chance to say goodbye (to Jubilee).”
“Aye,
and so I suggested that. She called yeh an ass an' walked out.”
“You
could have defended me.”
“In
fairness, Bob, yeh -are- rather an ass.”
“Thanks...
I'll give you half an hour (to tend your
wounded friend). Meet us on the Blackbird. An -ass- would have only
given fifteen minutes.”
“Aye,
and so I reckon yeh're only half-assed...”
-
BOBBY DRAKE and SIRYN, establishing his exact level of
assedness.
“Oh, while
yeh were out, we signed yeh up for a jaunt to Latveria.”
“Holy
crap, why?”
“The food's
not bad, and there's a solid chance we might start a war.”
“Oh.
Well, that's okay, then.”
-
SIRYN and WARPATH, discussing the geopolitical ramifications of
superherodom.
“Did you think those -things-
(Sentinels) were the darkest fears in your brain? I am sorry to
disillusion you.”
- A holographic
MAGNETO, doing the Luke Skywalker in the cave bit with
Quicksilver.
“This is not healthy, Pietro.
And if you had -any- idea what kind of a screwed-up family life I'm
using for comparison, you would comprehend the weight of that
statement.”
- ALEX SUMMERS, commenting on the above.
“I
wouldn't have to train (with holograms) if you people still had a
proper Danger Room.”
“Yeah, we'll fix that some
weekend. I just have to run out to the Seven-Eleven and pick up a new
Shi'ar hard-light microprocessor...”
-
QUICKSILVER and ALEX. We all miss the Danger Room.
“You're
not just a follower, Kurt, and you're not some broody gargoyle who
can never find happiness. You're a leader, you're the life of the
party, you're one of the greatest X-Men of all. I know that because
I've -seen- it. I also know that most people never find out what they
could have been... I don't want it to happen to you. If you want your
happy ending... fight for it!”
-
NOCTURNE administers a verbal kick in the butt to
Nightcrawler
“Just... check your underwear
drawer when you get home. Bobby used to freeze mine
solid.”
“Ouch...”
“You
have no idea.”
- ALEX and RACHEL.
We probably don't want to know any more.
“Alex,
it's all you, man...”
“Stop pressuring me!”
“I
was supporting you!”
“Sounded like pressure!”
-
BOBBY and ALEX, as the rivals fight through a tight spot.
“I
understand... have always understood why humans fear me. I will never
understand what we've done to ourselves.”
-
NIGHTCRAWLER
GENERATION
ETERNITY #2: SCHOOLYARD BLUES
“The lack of a
firm foundation in telepathy is precisely what caused your first
(disfiguring) mishap. I owe it to myself as a patron of the male form
not to allow any such fate to befall Warren Worthington's body. We
will start at the beginning.”
- EMMA FROST to JONO.
School is now in session.
“When
Warren was running his company, there was a certain conference in
Aruba, at which I had rather a lot to drink...”
“Nothing
happened.”
“You're
certain?”
“Warren
was.”
“Pity.”
-
EMMA and JONO again. Okay, so she's a skank...
“Lesson
One: For some people, energy manipulation means never having to say
'Shut up, you moron.' Protecting yourself from those people is gonna
be Lesson Two. What you gotta ask yourself is: d'you want to learn
it, or do you want to be a visual aid?”
- JUBILEE on the
first day of school.
“You mustn't mind our students;
some of them are... stupid.”
- MONET, practicing
tact.
“You, there! Sneezy!”
“Phoebe.”
“Whatever,
you're all alike to me.”
- MONET meets the STEPFORD
CUCKOOS.
“Take that-and-that-and-that, you great
big... you great big... um, gosh. I can't think of an insult. I keep
getting stuck on 'great big.' Wait, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING beating
on somebody this big?”
- HAWK, learning
the wisdom of picking on someone his own size.
“Boy,
you Canadians... you don't like guns, you don't like random acts of
violence. Weird Al hit it on the head. You're no fun at all.”
-
HAWK to Northstar. Had to sneak in a Weird Al ref.
“Go
home, boy. Yeh'll be fillin' no contracts today.”
“C'mon,
Irish, is this worth it? You don't have any love for Frost. This
isn't -that- kind of story.”
- BANSHEE encounters
assassin DEADPOOL. Have I mentioned Deadpool knows he's
fictional?
“Is this a bad time to ask if I can date
your daughter?”
- DEADPOOL, after Banshee kicks him
through a window. He's that kind of guy.
“Why
are you afraid?”
“It's
all chess, Miss St. Croix. You give a piece, you take a piece. Do you
play chess?”
“On occasion. I have trouble
finding a worthy opponent.”
“That's
always a problem for the Black Queen.”
-
LAYLA MILLER and MONET. Precogs are so convenient for a
writer...
“Come on-- it's not like I'm
talking about offing Wolverine or Storm! How much would you miss
Emma, really?”
- DEADPOOL, wishing
they'd just let him do his job already.
“I
can't tell ya how tired I am. It was
seriously like the worst day -ever-...”
“Today
I went berserk on a guy who tortured Warren, Sean fought a lunatic
mercenary, Monet thinks she's a pawn in some cosmic game of chance,
and we found out some bloke's put out a hit on Emma. Oh, and Hank's a
werewolf.”
“Okay. You
guys win.”
- JUBILEE and JONO compare
notes.
X-FORCE
#8: COMPANY OF HEROES
“You wish me to
stay...”
“Ya read my mind,
darlin'.”
“No, Logan. I seem to be the only
woman in your life who -cannot- read your mind. It is sometimes
inconvenient.”
- STORM and WOLVERINE. Logan does like
the telepaths.
“Can't stop me, Cap. You may be a
badass here in the back-end of noplace dimension, but back home? I'm
the best there is.”
- SABRETOOTH, talking trash.
“You're
not on my team 'till I say you're on my team.”
“I
kill Skulls and I take orders.”
“...OK,
join the team.”
- WOLVERINE and PETE WISDOM, a
couple of pros.
“I'm not in
the business of killing children.”
“Just
soldiers an' super-heroes.”
“Yes,
well there's the difference, I -like- children.”
-
TALBOT and WOLVERINE trade barbs.
“Y'know
what I can't figure out?”
“At
a guess... grooming procedures?”
-
WOLVERINE and WISDOM again. They proceed to have a Big
Conversation:
“You still got
feelings for (Kitty)?”
“Like
you, Wolverine, I feel very little unless it's convenient to the
job.”
“Uh-huh... Think
that load a' crap is big enough yet, or d'you want to shovel some
more on?”
“My honor is second only
to my allegiance to my Lady.”
“That's where you differ
from him, then. His would have come first.”
- SAMURAI X,
an alternate-Universe Wolverine, and PSYLOCKE
“My
dear Miss Blaire! I assure you I am a gentleman!”
“Yeah,
story of my life.”
- CAPTAIN BRITAIN and DAZZLER.
“You
do not appear satisfied with Ali's answer to your question. Perhaps
you would be interested in mine? For you, creature, I assure you...
this is very much the end.”
- STORM
says hello and goodbye to Sabretooth
X-FACTOR #8: UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER
“Sure
hope one a' yer dupes won one a' those, whatchercallit, aquarium
medals.”
“'Equestrian,'
you lummox!”
“Cheez, we been together five minutes an'
dis mook's correctin' my sentences. Jus' like old times...”
-
GUIDO CAROSELLA and JAMIE MADROX, old friends reunited in the
past.
“One of me used to be a rodeo
clown.”
“Figures. Dere anything
youse ain't done?”
“Well, I don't think I ever
peed my pants until now...”
-
MADROX and GUIDO again. They're a classy duo, as you can see.
“I've
had dinner ready for an hour. It might have been edible this time.”
-
SOPHIE to the gang. She's not precisely domestic.
“What
happened to you?”
“Progress.
Destiny. The future, if you will.”
“I
love it when you speak to me in vague clichés.”
-
MYSTIQUE and NATHANIEL ESSEX. Villain-snark is fun to write.
“I
no longer answer to (my old) name. I am Sinister now.”
“In
my experience, you always have been... oh, I'm sorry, you meant with
a capital letter. Well, that -is- different.”
-
MYSTIQUE and ESSEX again. Because “Mr. Sinister” is a
pretty silly name.
“If ye drop me, Sam
Guthrie, ye'll regret it for the rest of yuir days! I'll never
forgive ye! I'll never again lift so much as a finger to help ye on
any mission! I'll... I'll tell yuir mum!”
-
WOLFSBANE, making the ultimate threat
MADROX
DUPICATE: “I'm just a dupe, Red. Don't waste your unresolved
sexual tension on me.”
WOLFSBANE:
“My... my WHAT?! What a lark! Why, ye could be the last five
million men